There was a good while there when I felt a bit under a cloud. I grumbled and whined about my discomfort during pregnancy. I grouched and pouted over my harried life with an infant and a toddler and no time for myself. I was plagued a bit by a woe-is-me syndrome I couldn’t quite kick. I struggled from a lack of perspective and a lack of sleep that made even small daily tasks seem a giant hurdle as I poured orange juice in my coffee and lost my temper over silly things like dropped toys.
But, it seems here in mid-July I’ve hit a sweet spot. A delicious moment in time when I’m not so constantly on the hunt for sleep or time to myself. Instead, right now, I crave time with my kids, time with my family. Last night, I actually allowed myself to leave the dishes in the sink to cuddle up with Finny under a blanket and watch TV. He laid his little head on my shoulder and found his own sweet spot. This afternoon, I put down the hair dryer and rolled around on the floor with Charlie just soaking in every last smile and squeal he threw my way. I kiss, kiss, kissed every last bit of him. Charlie, it turns out, is covered in sweet spots.
The windows are filthy. The refrigerator hasn’t been cleaned in ages. The extra room in our basement is a pit of dispair. And the weeds. Lord God Almighty. The weeds are attacking and anyday now I’m certain a field of clover is going to rise up and strangle us all.
But, these tiny, pesky worries and concerns, they sort of go in and out these days. They don’t linger long. Because I’m in it. The sweet spot. A moment in time when I am actually sort of blissful about how blessed I am.
Sometimes when I’m in the sweet spot, I am attacked by dark, useless fears of losing it. David and I made the mistake of watching the Jaycee Lee Dugard special this weekend and as intriguing as it was, it left us both crying and afraid, imagining what it would be like if that nightmare descended upon us.
But no sense in borrowing that kind of trouble. It looks a bit tacky in the sweet spot. So fear, be gone. Worry, be gone. Weeds, I surrender, you win. I’m going in for more smooches, more splashes in the baby pool, a few more sips of wine. Today, I’m celebrating the fact that I have two little boys and one big boy who endlessly shower me with affection.
Today, I’m celebrating the sweet spot. That rare and special moment where the sun shines a bright and brilliant spotlight on all my blessings so that I see clearly and vividly just how spectacularly the world about me is sparkling.
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