This morning I am thinking about giving up the morning nap in exchange for a morning workout with the Stroller Fit class. I've tried to do this multiple times now and I can't seem to bite the bullet. The reason? I LOVE the morning nap. It's long, delicious, relaxing and productive time and I don't want to give it up.
Whether you work full or part time or stay at home, there is always the quest for time. While my decision to stay home has given me plenty of invaluable and enjoyable time with Finny, it has left me with very little time for myself, and this is when I start dreaming of the Dark Ages.
Sometimes I wish I lived in a time when there was no electricity. I wish that when it got dark, you simply had to go to bed. Or I wish I at least lived in a time when there weren't TVs or computers, so that in the evening we would all sit around and knit or read or play the piano. I wouldn't have to check my email or shop online. I wouldn't be able to. I also recognize that I wouldn't be able to buy things like Brownie Mix or frozen chicken nuggets, which also make my life much easier today. And if I lived then, I'm sure I'd sit around going, "Ugh, do we have to listen to that tune again?" or "God, wouldn't it be nice if I didn't have to leave the house to go shopping in the rain? Wouldn't it be great if I just had a 20% off Bed, Bath and Beyond online coupon with free shipping that I could just use from the comfort of my own couch while I watch 30 Rock?"
But all the same, I can't help but wonder about how nice it would be to have more idle time.
Just as the more money you make, the more money you spend, the same is true for time. We make things faster and easier to save us time, but then we find ways to fill it up with other things and again find ourselves wondering, "Where did the time go?"
I hardly ever print my digital pictures any more and I haven't updated my ipod since September of 2008. There is a room in the basement that seems to growl at me when I pass it because it is full of all the things I haven't made time to unpack, and the green folder that holds my recipes begs me to organize it whenever I open the pantry door. Little did I know people were chuckling behind my back when I told them I would work on my novel "while the baby naps." I didn't understand yet that nap time would be my time to empty the dishwasher, shower, pee and collapse on the couch myself.
What is so wonderful about Finny right now is that he is sleeping well. He sleeps from 8-6 or 7 a.m. every night and he takes a morning nap, which sometimes lasts up to three hours and an afternoon nap that lasts close to two. And when he takes these naps, I get, you guessed it--time. Time to drink a cup of coffee. Time to clean the bathroom. Time to check email. Time to write this blog.
I know that making time for exercise is important, but with time for myself in such short supply, can I really afford to sacrifice the mornings for a workout, when all I really want is that hot cup of coffee and some time to gather my thoughts? There will come a time when Finny will voluntarily give up the morning nap, so why should I force him to involuntarily do it now?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to give up time to myself in the future when we have multiple children who can move and talk and play soccer and take dance classes. I don't think I'm ready to give it up now when it's so quiet and nice and peaceful just sitting here all by myself.