Circle of Life

This morning.

“Mommy, I just want a drink of your orange juice, okay?” I hear as I’m running up the stairs to grab my shoes, followed immediately by the sound of my full orange juice glass crashing to the floor.

Shit.

This afternoon.

Finny climbs up on the big boy potty, gets himself all positioned and then pees all over my leg.

This evening.

I’m flipping burgers on the deck while Laurie feeds Charlie in the high chair and entertains a newly walking Allie. Finny and Jane are playing upstairs. Suddenly from the deck, while waiting for the cheese to melt, I hear nothing but the sound of Charlie crying. When I return to the kitchen, I see Charlie alone in his high chair with no sign of Laurie or Allie. Then I start to hear vague rumblings from upstairs, the sound of hand washing. I know it has something to do with the potty. Finny and Jane, new trainees had decided to go poopy on the potty by themselves and then were left a bit at a loss when it came to the sophisticated art of wiping.

After wiping and cleaning and washing, Laurie leads the entire caravan downstairs for dinner. Charlie is still crying. Allie is now screaming. Finny and Jane are repeatedly hitting each other on the head with wooden toy kitchen food. Then, they cry. Say sorry. Go in time out. Hit each other again. Cry again. Go in time-out again. All of this while baked beans are being scooped, burgers are being cut up, corn is being buttered, milk is being poured. I nurse Charlie while Laurie serves up tiny plates of food that then remain relatively untouched by the tiny hands they were meant for.

I carry a sleeping Charlie up to bed and as I approach his bedroom, I peek into my room and notice what looks to my horror like a giant bug on my white pillow sham atop our bed. I move in closer to get a look at the monster and discover to my greater horror that it is not a bug, but a big, giant glob of poop.

I go downstairs and pop the top off a bottle of Corona. Thirty minutes later while doing dishes I knock that bottle of Corona off the counter and it goes crashing to the floor.

Shit.

Circle of life.